Humor

Being involved with a cat creates lots of opportunity to laugh :-)

Titles marked with a red asterisk * are for ShowCatsOnline.com members only.

• "OOPS" Breedings
  Have you ever wondered what new cat breed might be created if you crossed a Maine Coon with a Manx?
  
  April 2010


• Acquired Feline Obsessive Syndrome
  Scientists warn us about a dreaded new disease!!! Well, really we are just kidding - but it is pretty amusing...
  
  December 2001


• Adventurous Naviguessor
  An Ocicat breeder takes a little detour on the way to the show...
  
  February 2007


• Adventurous Rudy
  Rudy tangles with the kitchen sink - and loses.
  
  January 2002


• Airplane Anti-Bird Device
  The Federal Aviation Authority is implementing new compulsory anti-bird measures for all airliners in the wake of the crash of a plane into the Hudson river after being struck by a flock of geese....
  
  March 2009


• Bad Kitty 2
  The toilet paper does not exist so that I can shred it into little bits.
  
  November 2008


• Bad Kitty 3
  I will not knock things off the coffee table so I can lie down more comfortably....
  
  February 2009


• Bad Kitty 4
  I will not bat every toy I own under the couch and then meow until someone comes and gets them out for me at 3 a.m. in the morning ....
  
  March 2009


• Bad Kitty 5
  The living room is not a jungle gym with walls and curtains to be climbed.
  
  March 2009


• Bad Kitty 6
  I realize that you are not trying to get away from me when you close the bathroom door, so I won't open it - especially when we have guests.
  
  April 2009


• Bad Kitty 7
  Looking adorable after misbehaving will not negate my crime.
  
  April 2009


• Baking Cookies With Your Cat
  Yummy, yummy, yummy... my cat wants cookies in its tummy...
  
  December 2005


• Basic Rules For Cats Who Have A House To Run
  Every kitty needs to know the basic rules it should know in order to `run` its human household efficiently
  
  September 2004


• Basking In The Glow
  Enjoy Lisa-Maria`s unique sense of wit and humor as she discusses the challenge of carpet cleaning in a feline household.
  
  April 2001


• Bathing The Cat - Doggy Style
  The family dog writes instructions for bathing the family cat...
  
  May 2005


• Bear`s First Rosettes
  Jodell and Bear attend their final show of his kitten career...
  
  January 2004


• Big Game Hunting
  Stalking a bottle cap on the floor, He`s excited with his hunt today....
  
  March 2007


• Breed Standard For The Generic Cat
  We share with our readers a written show standard describing the ideal for felines of mixed parentage ...
  
  September 2009


• Calling In Sick
  A personal observation of the delicate issue of calling in sick to work.
  
  February 2004


• Carving Competition
  Pumpkin carving is a traditional Halloween activity.
  
  October 2005


• Cat Bathing As A Martial Art
  Some people say cats never have to be bathed. These are not people with a show cat :-)
  
  April 2003


• * Cat Breeder`s Dictionary
  To a cat breeder, some every day words can have a very different meaning...
  
  April 2001


• Cat Commandments
  Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is using the computer...
  
  September 2005


• Cat Haiku
  The ancient art of the Japanese 3 line poem is translated into a cat`s point of view.
  
  November 2001


• Cat In A Hat
  Dr. Suess hasn`t got anything over this kitty`s wardrobe of hats.
  
  June 2003


• Cat Jokes
  Why don`t cats play poker in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
  
  March 2004


• Cat Laws
  Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
  
  July 15


• Cat Mind Games
  Wait till your human lays out their clothes and decide this would be the perfect place to take a nap.
  
  April 2007


• Cat Movies
  These are the movies that would be made if your cat had its way...
  
  February 2008


• Cat Movies: The Claw-sics
  Here is a list of the top feline claw-sical movies of all time ...
  
  May 2010


• Cat Personal Ads
  Have you ever wondered what a cat might write if felines looked for owners the way people look for jobs?
  
  September 2003


• Cat Rescue Barbie
  This Christmas season give the latest, hottest, trendiest new Barbie doll that every feline-loving little girl is wishing for -- It's Cat Rescue Barbie!
  
  December 2009


• Cat Resolutions
  Just in case you think you are the only purr-son who makes New Year`s Resolutions, here are some of the kitty promises made for this coming year.
  
  January 2002


• Cat Rules
  Wander gingerly over to the food they just put out. Stretch your neck out and smell it. Then look up at them with that look that says, `what is this crap?`
  
  October 2004


• Cat Show Dictionary
  Cat exhibitors often have a different meaning for common words and pgrases than the non-cat-show-person. For instance, Discretionary Income is what an exhibitor has left for the mortgage, the kids` orthodontist and the utility bills after paying entry fee.
  
  February 2004


• Cat Speak
  A scientific break through has allowed us a glimpse into the meaning of your cat`s `language`
  
  June 2007


• Cat Stuff
  You`re not a real person until you`re ignored by a cat.
  
  August 2003


• Cat Toy Bells
  Sing the words to the tune of Jingle Bells!
  
  December 2002


• Cat Truths
  Cats climb there way to the top... that`s what drapes are for.
  
  January 2003


• Cat TV
  Does your cat watch TV? Does he have a favorite program?
  
  February 2003


• Cat Users Manual
  User installation and maintenance for Cat v7.0
  
  December 2003


• Cat Wisdom
  Cats are smarter than dogs. You can`t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
  
  November 2005


• Cat` Wins Olympic Gold
  Speedy `Cat` turns in a World record performance on ice and becomes an Olympic Gold medal winner.
  
  February 2002


• Cat`s Christmas Carol
  A cat and mouse watch in a stable long ago
  
  December 2004


• Cataholics Anonymous
  You may be a Cataholic - but fear not! There is a support group that can help YOU!
  
  July 2005


• Catkins Diet
  News Flash! A new diet has been developed especially for cat lovers!
  
  August 2005


• Cats & Dogs
  Enjoy a chuckle courtesy of cats and dogs and friend...
  
  August 2009


• Cats Favorite Christmas Songs
  The Top Ten Christmas Songs for cats!
  
  December 2005


• Cats In Costume
  Halloween for a cat lover may include dressing up the family feline...
  
  October 2009


• Cats In Costume 2
  With Halloween just around the corner, the feline members of the family are gearing up to celebrate...
  
  October 2008


• Cats In Santa Hats
  Santa better watch out! These felines look like they may have been raiding his wardrobe...
  
  December 2009


• Cat`s Christmas
  Christmas from your cat`s point of view
  
  December 2002


• Cattery Blind
  I am not cattery blind! :-)
  
  January 2004


• Cat`s Definitions
  If your cat had a dictionary, these are the words and meanings it would contain...
  
  January 2008


• Cat`s New Years Resolutions
  I will not perch on my human`s chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
  
  January 2006


• Christmas Carols For Cats
  Oh, Come All Ye Fishful...
  
  December 2002


• Christmas Riddles
  How do cats greet each other at Christmas? Have a furry merry Christmas and a Happy Mew Year.
  
  December 2008


• Christmas Riddles 2
  How do cats greet each other at Christmas? Have a furry merry Christmas and a Happy Mew Year.
  
  December 2008


• Computer Problems Rampant In The Cat Fancy
  Around the world, something strange has been reported to be crashing computers - but only machines owned by cat lovers. Bewildered scientists and computer experts had been unable to find the reason for these reported keyboard failures until recently...
  
  April 2008


• Cool Cats
  Two Persians discover a unique way to cool off on a hot summer day.
  
  July 2002


• Cowboy`s Guide To Cat Breeding
  Life ain`t about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.?
  
  April 2006


• Creation
  On the first day of creation, God created the cat...
  
  January 2005


• Dear Kitties
  A cat owner writes her kitties a letter...
  
  February 2005


• Dear Kitties
  A cat owner writes her kitties a letter...
  
  December 2009


• Dear Master
  The family dog writes a letter to its master - about the family cat...
  
  March 2005


• Definitions For Cat Lovers
  If you are a cat lover, there are some words that have a special meaning to you...
  
  September 2008


• Desidicata
  GO PLACIDLY amid the cat fanciers, secure in the knowledge that your cat is superior to all others and remembering what joy is to be found in being called for the upper half of a final.
  
  October 2002


• Did You Hear The One?
  Did you hear about the cat who drank five bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
  
  September 2008


• Do You Own Your Cat or Does You Cat Own Your?
  If you answer yes to many of these questions, you are in trouble :-)
  
  October 2001


• Does Your Cat Own You?
  Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa`s lap?
  
  December 2006


• Driving To The International
  So what is it REALLY like to drive to the International? Here is one exhibitor`s story...
  
  December 2005


• Feline Winter Olympics
  With the 2010 winter Olympics in full swing in Vancouver, B.C., Canada, our feline athletes don't want to be left out of all the competitive fun, and so are conducting their own furry version of the Olympics ...
  
  February 2010


• Feline Wisdom
  We humans can learn much from the wisdom of our cats...
  
  January 2008


• Feng Shui For Your Cat
  Good Shui: All the tuna you can eat. Bad Shui: A cat lying across the top of the stairs.
  
  March 2004


• Fifty Easy Steps to Wrapping A Christmas Present With Your Cat
  Lift up edges of wrapping paper around present. Wonder why edges don`t reach.
  
  December 2005


• First Bath
  Every new cat owner has to face that dreaded first bath of their new feline.
  
  November 2003


• First Show
  Jodell (the newbie) and her cat, Bear, go to their first show...
  
  November 2003


• From One Cat To Another - Things I Know About Christmas
  I will not bite the head off a Santa Claus figurine and proceed to dump it in front of a small child. This makes them cry.
  
  December 2005


• Gift That Keeps On Giving
  A cat lover tells the true story of a Christmas gift that created a lot of buzz in her household one holiday morning...
  
  December 2008


• God`s Creation
  On the first day of creation, God created the cat...
  
  August 2005


• Good Thoughts
  Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
  
  May 2002


• Hampering
  Does your cat know how best to `help` you in your daily activities?
  
  May 2004


• How Many Cats Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
  Different answers depending on what breed of cat is doing the changing :-)
  
  July 2001


• How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
  Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
  
  February 2009


• How To Hunt Lions: Cat Fancier Style
  Cat fanciers are much more likely tp attempt to breed lions than hunt them. However lion-breeding strategy is adversely affected by the lack of recognition of Lions by CFA or TICA ... plus the fact that lions don't fit into standard show-cages.
  
  June 2009


• How To Know Your Shoes Smell
  You may already have the technology that will let you know if your shoes have an odor problem...
  
  May 2009


• How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You
  You may think kneading is a sign of affection, but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for signs of weakness....
  
  November 2009


• Hyperpatitis: a Serious Condition
  Symptoms: A need for patting. Demands for attention and human contact. Temper tantrums when pats are not applied immediately.
  
  December 2006


• I Love My Kitty
  I love my little kitty, she makes my house a home.
  
  April 2005


• If
  With apologies to Rudyard Kipling, here is a cat person`s humorous version of his famous poem.
  
  January 2002


• It was The Night Before Catmas
  Merry Catmas to all!
  
  December 2002


• Jodell, Ed and Bear`s Excellent Adventure
  Jodell and Bear head out for their first `away` cat show with hubby, Ed, along for the trip.
  
  December 2003


• Judge and Be Judged
  Since our cats have a written standard of perfection, should our cat judges have one too?
  
  August 2002


• Kitten & The Canary
  A pictorial essay demonstrating the relationship between a young feline and a feathered friend...
  
  March 2008


• Kitten`s 12 Days of Christmas
  A busy kitten celebrates Christmas in song!
  
  December 2004


• Kitty Encounters
  A series of extraordinary photographs captures various interactions between felines and other species of animals ...
  
  October 2009


• Kitty Golfer
  Although few people are aware of the fact, cats are avid golfers and have been since the game's inception. After all, it is a game ideally suited to cats because it requires a high degree of muscular coordination, patience, and serves no useful purpose ...
  
  March 2010


• Kitty Hide & Seek
  The rules of "Kitty Hide-and-Seek" are known instinctively to kitties. Humans will pick up the subtleties as the game progresses.
  
  May 2009


• Lessons Learned Living With Kittens
  A breeder reveals the sometimes painful lessons his kittens have taught him....
  
  July 2005


• Letter To Furball
  A man sets down the rules to his new kitten...
  
  June 2006


• Like Getting Sunscreen Off The Cat
  I've decided that whenever I accomplish something unusually difficult that I will refer to it as "like getting sunscreen off a cat," because, as I recently learned, getting sunscreen off a cat is really, REALLY difficult.
  
  January 2009


• Little Known Feline Ailments
  Does you cat suffer from one of these little known feline conditions?
  
  January 2004


• Love Is In The Air
  The challenge of getting your virgin male cat to learn how to `do the deed`
  
  April 2005


• Map of Your Cat`s Brain
  Every cat owner needs to see this map!
  
  January 2007


• Mia, the Whiz-O-Matic
  Enjoy a smile at the latest exploits of Mia, Lisa-Maria`s wayward feline.
  
  August 2001


• Miracle Cat Diet
  Could the secret to a person losing weight be as simple as eating and acting like a cat?
  
  January 2009


• Miscommunication
  A Southern cat lover has a slight miscommunication with her Yankee cat groomer...
  
  January 2006


• Mouse Cannot Be Found
  If you own a cat and your computer gives you the error message "The mouse cannot be found", it may not be the typical error message you have seen before....
  
  June 2009


• Musings On Cats
  Cats are around to remind us why we need opposable thumbs.
  
  June 2010


• My Cat Is...
  My cat is... a treat-seeking missile.
  
  March 2003


• My Cat`s Favorite Quotes
  One of my cat`s favorite quotes is, `Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.`
  
  November 2006


• My Human
  Are we really our cat`s pets??
  
  October 2004


• My Kitten`s 12 Days of Christmas (Mischief)
  The holiday adventures of baby Sara
  
  December 2003


• New Cat Breeds
  New cat breeds for specific people...
  
  June 2003


• No Common Scents
  Based on an actual phone call to a veterinary clinic, this transcript points out just how patient even the clinic's receptionist has to be in dealing with clientele ...
  
  February 2010


• Oath Of A Longhair Cat
  Every cat with long hair seems to have taken `The Oath`...
  
  October 2006


• One Smart Cat
  A man who absolutely hated his wife`s cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park... but that is not the end of the story. ?
  
  March 2005


• Perfect Kitten
  Everyone wants a perfect kitten... but it helps to be reasonable :-)
  
  October 2003


• * Pet Hotline Calls
  My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it`s stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?
  
  December 2001


• Purr-litically Correct
  My cat is not lazy, he is motivationally challenged
  
  October 2001


• Puss`n Boots
  Learn why a cat is worth more than a donkey... :-)
  
  November 2005


• Reality TV For Cats
  The three cats know as CEO have turned into reality TV fans - of course, they watch their forite programs through `cat`s eyes`.
  
  April 2005


• Ringing In My Ears Is Real
  A Bengal breeder shares his experience at trying to identify individual kittens in a litter of spotted treasures.
  
  June 2005


• Roller Poopie - Game For Cats
  A new game is sweeping the feline world!
  
  December 2006


• Rules For Cats To Live By
  When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you walk backwards up so that the upchuck is as long as your human`s bare foot.
  
  September 2002


• Rules For Dealing With Stray Cats
  These are the very strict rules of the household that must be followed when dealing with a stray cat (or two)
  
  October 2005


• Santa Is A Woman
  I thought everyone knew that!
  
  December 2001


• Santa Paws Is Coming To Town
  A "felinized" version of the popular Christmas song, "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"...
  
  December 2008


• Shaping Up For 2005
  The most important aspect of cat fitness is when to start - like about 2 a.m. because at that time the house is quiet; there are no distractions.
  
  January 2005


• Signs Your Cat Is A Furry Child
  #1. You always carry a picture of your cat in your wallet... and you show it off often.
  
  February 2008


• Signs Your Cat Is Fat
  You know your cat is fat when? Your cat door has a garage opener...
  
  April 2004


• Strange Cat Laws
  In Sterling, Colorado, it is unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.
  
  April 2003


• Substitutes For Tying Off The Umbilical Cord
  Caught unprepared for the cutting of the umbilical cord on a kitten? You are sure to have something in the house you can use :-).
  
  December 2003


• Teaser
  The trio of kitties know as the CEO discover a new toy!
  
  January 2005


• Ten Catmandments
  Does your favorite feline think its the Lord of the household? If your answer is yes, you need to read this list of commandments to keep your furry deity happy.
  
  July 2008


• Ten Things a Cat Thinks About
  I could have sworn I heard the can opener!
  
  July 2002


• The Ten Commandments of a Good Exhibitor
  Thou shalt have no other gods before the Cats.
  
  February 2005


• Theory of Feline Butterology
  If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window, it will land on its feet. What will happen if you strap a slice of buttered bread face up to a cat's back... and drop them both from a height?
  
  November 2008


• Things I Have Learned From My Cat
  13 things I`ve learned from my cat
  
  August 2001


• Things You'd Like Your Cat To Remember
  Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself ...
  
  May 2010


• Thoughts On Cat Baths... By Cats!
  Through photos and reading the cat's expression, we can sneak a peek into the what our cats are thinking when we insist they need a bath...
  
  April 2008


• Thoughts On Cats
  Cat quotations
  
  December 2003


• Thoughts On The Kitty Catalogue
  Lately, I`ve been benched around a number of different breed exhibitors, and I`ve found myself taking a liking to more than a few of their various styles of cats.
  
  December 2002


• Tidying The Cattery
  Every cattery owner knows that the cattery area can quickly become cluttered and messy unless you institute some shelves, cupboards, boxes and such to help keep things organized. Here is one woman's solution to the challenge of keeping things organized ...
  
  April 2010


• Top 10 Signs Your Cat Is Hanging Out With The Wrong Crowd
  One day, without your permission, your cat gets his ears pierced...
  
  February 2007


• Tortie & The Beauty Shop
  The Tortie wild child `enjoys` a day at the groomers...
  
  July 2006


• Tortie Saga
  Follow one man`s true life saga as he tries to tame a wild child kitty with an attitude...
  
  March 2006


• Tortie Saga Continues
  Taming the tortie! The saga continues...
  
  March 2006


• Tortie Saga: The Twist
  The story of a man and his tortie takes a new twist...
  
  April 2006


• Tortie Takes A Man
  With Spring just around the corner, the infamous `Tortie` has come into season.
  
  March 2007


• Truth (sort of)
  Learn how to read between the lines when people talk about the cats, cat judge`s and cat showing. What we say is not always what we mean :-)
  
  May 2002


• Twelve Days Left In The Season
  With just 12 days left in the cat show season, one campaigners invited you to join him in song...
  
  April 2007


• * Twelve Days of a Feline Christmas
  On the FIRST day of Christmas my Feline gave to me? A Dead Mouse on His Cat Tree... :-)
  
  December 2001


• Twelve Days of Cat-mas
  On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree, my 12 cats were laughing at me...
  
  December 2002


• Twelve Days of Christmas
  On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me? a batch of special Christmas cookies.
  
  December 2006


• 25 Cat Jokes
  Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
  
  June 2010


• Twenty Tips From Your Cat On How To Live A Better Life
  Cats are wise creatures and most certainly know how to lead a life of interesting moments and pampered leisure....
  
  July 2009


• Twenty-Five Ways To Live A Healthier Life
  Here are a few lessons on how to live a healthier life that we can learn from our animal pals ...
  
  January 2010


• Understanding Your Cat
  Do you know what your cat is trying to tell you?
  
  December 2004


• Way To A Woman's Heart Is Through Her Cat
  Enjoy learning important tips for romancing the cat-owning girl of your dreams ...
  
  January 2010


• What Every Cat Should Know
  If you put a live mouse in your food bowl, do not expect it to stay there until you get hungry... and other words of wisdom
  
  July 2006


• What Is A Cat?
  What is a cat? Hmmm...
  
  February 2006


• What My Cat Has Taught Me
  A bit of wisdom and a touch of humor will put a smile on your face.
  
  July 2001


• Who's In Charge
  Are you in control of your life - or is your cat really the one in charge?
  
  December 2009


• Why Cats Are Smarter Than Dogs
  Not that we need proof :-)
  
  December 2004


• Why Do Cats Have Names When They Never Answer To Them?
  I need the number of the nearest cat whisperer - because my cat won`t anser to its name...
  
  September 2007


• William Shakespurr
  We would like to pay tribute to the feline world's most revered playwright, William Shakespurr ...
  
  June 2010


• Wrong Cat, Right Husband
  Sometimes, having the wrong cat just highlights how you have the right husband :)
  
  September 2001


• You Know You Are Addicted To Cats When?
  You know you are a cat addict if you compare the finer points of brands of kitty litter the way other people talk about different wines.
  
  April 2002


• You Know You Have Too Many Cats When....
  Your neighbors forget your last name and start referring to you as "you know, the cat people".
  
  November 2009


• You Know You`re A Campaigner If...
  You know you`re a campaigner if your brand-new shiny SUV has over 100K miles on it and it`s only 7 months old.
  
  May 2006


• * You Know You`ve Been Around Cats Too Long?
  Your daughter brings home a new boyfriend and you ask for his pedigree.
  
  June 2001


• * You May Be A Campaigner If:
  a bit of humor, a dash of truth
  
  May 2001


• You Of The Twinkle Tree Season
  An opinionated cat shares a few of his thoughts about some of the traditions of the Christmas season...
  
  December 2008


• Your Cat Can Be Your Fitness Instructor
  You could achieve a new level of physical fitness by simply following your cat's exercise example ...
  
  August 2009