Kitty's New Year Resolutions

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Just in case you think you are the only purr-son who makes New Year's Resolutions, here are some of the kitty promises made for this coming year . . .

  1. I will not run through the house with a condom wrapper in my mouth, especially when my human's grandmother is over.
  2. My human will never let me eat her pet rat, and I am at peace with that.
  3. I will not leap into my human's chair which she has temporarily vacated, and then bite my human on the bum when she sits back down.
  4. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
  5. I will not sniff at my male human's feet after he takes his shoes off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my private parts to compare odors. My female human might find it amusing, but my male human does not appreciate it, especially in front of company.
  6. I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
  7. I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
  8. I will not bite my human on the rear while she is sitting on the Big White Drinking Bowl.
  9. I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
  10. I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
  11. I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
  12. When my human is taking a bubble bath, the two pinkish-brown things sticking up out of the bubbles in her chest region are NOT to be played with!
  13. I will not fish out my human's partial plate from the glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, roll over in bed, and see the dog grinning at you with your own teeth.)
  14. I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
  15. I will not drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs (Burmese LOUD yowling) so that my human can admire my "kill."

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