Q: How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
A: Have a furry merry Christmas and a Happy Mew Year.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
[You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.]
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas Tree?
What did the guest sing at the Eskimo Christmas Party?
[Freeze a jolly good fellow...]
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
[It's Christmas, Eve!]
What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
[We'll have a boo Christmas without you.]
What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
[Okay everyone, sack time!!]
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
[A subordinate claus.]
Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa
Claus travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened
they all noticed a $5 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up??
[Santa of course, the other two don't exist!]
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
[The letter "D"!]
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
[So he can ho-ho-ho.]
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
[Because he had low elf esteem.]
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Who's there ?
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again !
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
The 3 stages of man:
1) He believes in Santa Claus.
2) He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
3) He is Santa Claus.
What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
[They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
and brought practical gifts.]
One Christmas I got a battery with a note saying, "Toy not included."
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell.
Doctor: Take these pills and if they don't work, give me a ring.
Patient: Doctor, I'm scared of Father Christmas.
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.
Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: A merry Christmas to Ewe.