The Advanced Art Of Sitting On A Feline Tush
(Doing The Tiger Slouch)

BY TIGER SHUTT
The House of Meow

Published May 2013

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Greetings fellow felines and feline lovers. Let me introduce myself. My name is Tiger, although it reads Castlkatz Ghost Rider on my registration papers. Today, I would like to share with you with my purrsonal British Shorthair philosophy of sitting, a topic of great passion in my life. There is a fine art to sitting on the feline tush — and I am its master.

For the average cat, sitting is an everyday occurrence, not an advanced creative endeavor. Any "normal" cat simply collapses its back legs, thus lowering its behind onto the floor, or whatever surface is beneath its rear end. The photo above purrfectly illustrates this banal form of sitting. Even with the addition of a toy, this form of sitting is bo-r-r-r-r-ing.

I have raised my personal sitting to an art form. . . . and now I will exclusively share with you some of my favorite sitting techniques. They are all based on my patent-pending version of sitting, called "The Slouch".

 

#1 The Slouch

We begin our journey of sitting enlightenment with an introductory sitting position, The Slouch, which involves a slight sideways movement onto one hip. This allows the back legs to stretch comfortably to the side while still supporting the upper body on the front legs. Some critics of this position have called it "slouching", but I call it efficient comfort.

 

#2 The Wall Slouch

Sometimes I like to sit against the wall for ease and efficient back support. This position also allows me to rest my chin comfortably on my shoulder.

 

#3 The Wall Slouch With A Beverage

Sometimes I like to sit near a bowl, to occasionally indulge in a refreshing sip of water. It is important to stay well hydrated in case you find yourself in a state of disgruntlement and need to call upon your bladder for revenge.

 

#4 The Wall Slouch With Back Scratcher

If you slouch against a wall that has a door stop, you can actually position yourself so that you can use the stop to scratch your butt. All it takes is a slight wiggling motion against the door stop and it will spring into action.

 

#5 The Wall Slouch With Climate Control

Sometimes I like to sit near the vent for comfortable climate control, no matter the season. A wide open leg stance enhances the experience with luxurious air flow.

 

#6 The Wall Slouch With A View

Sometimes I like to sit, gazing out of nearby venetian blinds on a sunny day. The resulting stripes help me get in touch with my wild tabby side. After all, my name IS Tiger . . .

 

#7 The Wall Slouch + Nap

Sometimes I like to nap when I sit, a testimony to the comfort of the slouch and my mastery over its many variations.

 

#8 The Corner Slouch

Sometimes I feel lazy and like to sit in the corner for extra support and enjoyment. A corner also has the added benefit of highlighting the focal point of any room, THE CAT.

 

#9 The Musical Slouch

Sometimes I like to sit and sing karaoke to my neighborhood felines. The louder, the better!

Roxxxxxaaaaannnnnnnne
You don’t have to eat dem little mouse-ees
Those days are over
You don’t have to crunch dem bodies in the night

Roxxxxxaaaaannnnnnnne….

(Lyrics courtesy of Tiger's cousin, Twinkie)

 

#10 The Pensive Slouch

Other times I like to just sit and ponder the meaning of catnip.

 

#11 The Kitchen Slouch

Sometimes I sit in the kitchen, slouching against a cabinet instead of the wall. That way I am purrfectly positioned to catch any errant crumbs of cheese or tuna that may come my way. The urge to sit has no bounds!

 

#12 The Bed Slouch

Sometimes I like to sit on the bed and casually relax against nicely plumped pillows. I highly recommend this when the floor is feeling a tad too hard.

 

#13 The Bed Slouch / Ultimate Relaxation

Sometimes I like to sit against the pillows and let my gut hang out for ultimate relaxation.

 

#14 The Sofa Slouch

If the bed is not available (when the humans have closed the bedroom door), I sometimes like to sit on the sofa. While it is not my first choice, the sofa can be a comfortable place to slouch. Please note: If your sofa should happen to match your coat too closely, there is a danger of a human accidentally sitting ON YOU - so be vigilant!

 

#15 The Sofa Slouch + Nap

As with the Wall Slouch, sometimes I combine the Sofa Slouch with a short snooze.

#16 The Sofa Full Slouch

Sometimes I can't resist the comfort of a softly padded sofa, and I start to fall over when I sit. This position can be mistaken as laying down, but this is not a deliberate attempt to recline. It should be viewed as a simple loss of balance. It is more likely to happen when the sofa slouch has been combined with a nap.

 

#17 Slouch Warning: My Rear End Is Falling Asleep

Beware: One of the dangers of too much slouching is that it can limit the circulation of blood to the feline butt. The blood starts to pool in your rear end to the point that you may start to lose feeling in your behind. You can improve your circulation by occasionally raising your posterior higher than your front end. Try sitting on a raised platform 4-7 inches high maintaining your front legs at floor level. This position encourages the blood from your rear end to travel to your front paws.

Slouch On

So, my feline friends, next time you feel the urge to sit, remember your British Shorthair guru and let your creative juices flow. You have so many more options than you think! Connect with your lazy inner kitty and a "slouch" variation is guaranteed to come to mind.

 

About The Author

Tiger Shutt (CH, PR Castlkatz Ghost Rider) is a cream spotted tabby British Shorthair who lives in Utah with his platonic roommate, Sampson, and human family, the Shutts.

Tiger's purrsonal servant, Mollie, collects and shares many of his adventures in her blog, The House of Meow.

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