Actual Calls To The Pet Hotline

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Pet hotlines have been established to provide answers to questions 24 hours a day. While the people manning the phones are often unpaid volunteers, they are repaid with gratitude... and an occasional laugh...

  • "My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering . . . how many calories are there in a mouse?"
  • "I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?"
  • "Does your cat food help with emancipation?"
  • "Help! I think my cat is dying. She's only 6 months old but she's rolling around on the floor in agony. What? No, she's not spayed. Why?"
  • "I think my cat is trying to talk. Do you think I could get on Oprah?"
  • "What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?"
  • "Is it normal for a cat to shed?"
  • "How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?"
  • "My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?"
  • "How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?"
  • "Do you know how to toilet train a cat?"
  • "I have three cats. Is it true that [brand name] Cat Food makes the poop smell better?"
  • "Where can I get a six-toed cat?"

And just in case you think it's only cat owners who ask silly questions, here are a few from our canine cousins . . .

  • "What should I feed a borderline collie?"
  • "Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?"
  • "Your food turned my dog into a stud. Now what do I do?"

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