The Capricorn Cat

by Betty Sleep
Carraig Birmans

Published December 2005

Dec.22 - Jan.20

Ruled by Saturn, a sober, austere planet... yeah, right

Capricorn is the cat born in a patch of four leaf clovers, under a horseshoe, with a rabbit's foot near to hand. He will always land on his feet, NOT a trait of all cats as evidenced by a Taurus' attempts to jump on the bed.

The true Capricorn when lost or abandoned, will find this calamitous event has occurred just as the most famous animal-loving actress is passing by in her limo, whereby he is instantly adopted into the lap of luxury.

All Capricorns are born with a Masters Degree in human psychology. During the most involved re-run of the X-Files, they will sit in front of the one person, they know will get up and open a door/window/can of food for them. This unique ability also allows them to play the suave, restrained cat about the house, while sitting quietly beside the head female who is preparing dinner meant for humans. A single weakened enough to cop him a piece of the best sirloin.

While not the most elegant or sophisticated of cats, a Capricorn is often found clothed in a nifty striped suit with a white shirt showing at the collar. They will spend great amounts of time on personal grooming in order to look successful.

Not easily approached, (although a slice of chicken is a wonderful introduction), you will soon discover the Capricorn's warmth and sense of humour.

Ever on the look out for what is best for them, Capricorns may be seen sitting in windows observing the rich politician's house across the street. Before you know it, he is being let in the front the maid. When he returns, it is with a look that says, "well, were you offering anything to top chicken cordon bleu?" They are also, regrettably, class conscious, and even the addition of a rhinestone collar is to turn Miss Snooks into Miss Snoots. When all is said and done, a Capricorn cat knows where it's at, who’s got it, and how they are going to get it for themselves.

PREY: Why chase what is served to you on a platter?

RECREATION: Entertaining the local dogs by allowing them to chase one's self. One will then jump clear over a newly cemented sidewalk while the dogs become mired in it. The workmen are not amused.

DINING: The choicest morsels from the human menu. What? You thought Capricorns ate out of cans?

MUSIC: Handel's Water Music. Reminds the Capricorn to go shed in the sink.

SLEEPING: Preferably draped over the front of the t.v. so the screen is obscured.

COMPANIONS: Dogs at a distance. Hamsters, mice and pet parakeets within reach.

ACCEPTABLE HUMANS: Boxcar Willie, Don King, and the psychic, Jo-Jo. Capricorns admire a self-made human, and are intrigued by utter nonsense.

NAMES: Cary, Rock, Heathcliffe and Aloysius.

INTERACTION: Capricorns will tolerate almost anything, in order to get what they want, with the possible exception of being dressed in Baby Wetums christening gown.

PREVIOUS EXISTANCE: Plato, Socrates, Columbus, and an Amway salesman.

MOTTO: "Et meatus e mie. Ti chompe zip." This steak is mine. What are you eating?

Betty Sleep is a breeder and exhibitor of Birman cats, as well as a freelance writer of 30 years. Sleep's cats and dogs have crossed into her work on many occasions, particularly in the humor and fiction genres. She is a contributing author to the Uncle John Bathroom Readers, and an author of trivia and children's fiction. Her middle grade novel, "Purrlock Holmes and the Case of the Vanishing Valuables" won the 2005 Muse Medallion for Young Adult Fiction. Sleep lives in New Brunswick, Canada with an assorted number of Birmans who inspire much of her humor writings, as well as a pair of elderly Golden Retrievers who tolerate both her and the cats.

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