Cat Laws

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After much research and study, scientists have uncovered the basic laws that govern all feline behavior . . . .

  • Law of Cat Inertia:
    A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
  • Law of Cat Motion:
    A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
  • Law of Magnetism:
    All blazers and sweaters attract white cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
  • Law of Cat Stretching:
    A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
  • Laws of Cat Sleeping:
    All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
  • Law of Cat Elongation:
    A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
  • Law of Cat Obstruction:
    A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
  • Law of Acceleration:
    A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
  • Law of Dinner Table Attendance:
    Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
  • Law of Rug Configuration:
    No rug may remain in its natural flat state for very long.
  • Law of Obedience Resistance:
    A cat`s resistance varies in proportion to a human`s desire for her to do something.
  • First Law of Energy Conservation:
    Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
  • Second Law of Energy Conservation:
    Cats also know that energy can be stored by a lot of napping.
  • Law of Refrigerator Observation:
    If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
  • Law of Random Comfort Seeking:
    A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
  • Law of Cat Embarrassment:
    A cat`s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment, times the amount of human laughter.
  • Law of Furniture Replacement:
    A cat`s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
  • Law of Cat Landing:
    A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
  • Law of Cat Disinterest:
    A cat`s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
  • Law of Pill Rejection:
    Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

    and finally . . .

  • Law of Composition:
    A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn`t Matter.

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