After much research and study, scientists have uncovered the basic laws that govern all feline behavior...
- Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Motion:
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
- Law of Magnetism:
All Blue blazers and black sweaters attract white cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
- Law of Cat Stretching:
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Laws of Cat Sleeping:
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Law of Cat Obstruction:
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
- Law of Acceleration:
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
- Law of Dinner Table Attendance:
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Law of Rug Configuration:
No rug may remain in its natural flat state for very long.
- Law of Obedience Resistance:
A cat`s resistance varies in proportion to a human`s desire for her to do something.
- First Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
- Second Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats also know that energy can be stored by a lot of napping.
- Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
- Law of Random Comfort Seeking:
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
- Law of Cat Embarrassment:
A cat`s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment, times the amount of human laughter.
- Law of Furniture Replacement:
A cat`s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
- Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
- Law of Cat Disinterest:
A cat`s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
- Law of Pill Rejection:
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Law of Composition:
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn`t Matter.