Cat Jokes

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  • What is a cat's favorite color ?
    Purrrple of course !!
  • Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
  • Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
    She had mittens.
  • What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
    One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
  • What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?
    A peeping tom.
  • Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
    Too many cheetahs.
  • What is a cat's favorite song?
    Three Blind Mice.
  • What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice?
    Don't you have a cat?
  • What is a cat's way of keeping law & order?
    Claw Enforcement.
  • How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?
    He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
  • Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
    For kitty littering.
  • Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists?
    Because they finally opened their eyes.
  • Why are cats better than babies?
    Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
  • What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?
    Hiss and Tell.
  • What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
    A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
  • What does a cat do when it gets mad?
    It has a hissy fit.
  • What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
    The purrpatrator.
  • What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
    He stole the whole show!
  • Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?
    The retail store.
  • What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
    A mice cream cone.
  • What do cats use to make coffee?
    A purrcolator.
  • What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
    A duck filled fatty puss.
  • If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
    Their paws.
  • Why is the cat so grouchy?
    Because he's in a bad mewd.
  • If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?
    None! They were copy cats.
  • Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you?
    That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
  • How does the cat get its own way?
    With friendly purrsuasion.
  • What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
    An eskimew.
  • What has more lives than a cat?
    A frog because it croaks every night.
  • What is a cat's favorite subject in school?
    HISStory.
  • What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
    Mice Krispies.
  • How do cats end a fight?
    They hiss and make up.
  • What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?"
    It's raining cats and dogs.
  • Why are cats such good singers?
    Because they're very mewsical.
  • What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
    Chain litter.
  • What is the cat's favorite magazine?
    Good Mousekeeping.
  • How many cats can you put into an empty box?
    Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.
  • Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
  • If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window?
    Because the window is closed.
  • What is a cat's favorite movie?
    "The Sound of Mewsic".
  • What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas?
    Sandy Claws.
  • Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't?
    Your lap.
  • Why did the cat put oil on the mouse?
    Because it squeaked.
  • What side of the cat has the most fur?
    The OUT-side.
  • What is a cat's favorite car?
    The Catillac.
  • What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
    A Lawn Meower.
  • Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?
    Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
  • What do you use to comb a cat?
    A catacomb.
  • Why did the cat run from the tree?
    Because it was afraid of the bark!
  • Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?
    Because he's always spotted.
  • Why is a frog luckier than a cat?
    Because a frog croaks all the time -- a cat only croaks nine times.
  • What`s a rat`s least favorite record? What`s up, Pussycat?.
  • What has six legs and flies?
    A witch giving her cat a lift.
  • Why are black cats such good singers?
    They`re very mewsical.
  • When it is unlucky to see a black cat?
    When you`re a mouse.
  • What do you call it when a witch`s cat falls off her broomstick?
    A catastrophe.
  • What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas? Santa Claws.
  • How do you get milk from a cat?
    Steal her saucer.
  • What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?
    A peeping tom.
  • Why did the lady feed her cat pennies?
    She wanted to put them in the kitty.
  • Why do cats never shave?
    Because eight out of ten of them prefer Whiskers.
  • Why is a kitten like an unhealed wound? Both are a little pussy.
  • What do you call a cat who never comes when she is called?
    Im-puss-able.
  • What do you call a cat that drinks vinegar?
    A sour puss.
  • Now you see it....now you don`t-
    What are you looking at?
    A black cat walking over a zebra crossing.
  • What is a cat`s favorite TV program?
    Miami Mice.
  • What`s furry, has whiskers and chases outlaws?
    A posse cat.
  • What do cats strive for?
    Purr-fection.
  • What do you call a cat who can spring from the ground to the top of your head in one leap?
    A good jum-purr.
  • What do you call a cat that can spell as well as a human?
    An ex-purr-t.
  • What kind of cats love water?
    Octopusses.
  • What is an American cat`s favorite car?
    A Catillac.
  • Teacher: And did you see Catskill Mountains on your visit to America?
    Child: No, but I saw them kill mice.
  • What did one cat say to another? Nothing. Cats can`t speak.

 

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