Cataholics Anonymous

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My name is (Fill in your name).

And I am a cataholic.

I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of Cataholics Anonymous — or CA as we call it.

Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you here. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and that you really don't need any help . . .

It is not easy to admit that you are a cataholic and it is even harder to bring yourself to a CA meeting for help.

CA is here to assist you!

I have some questions to ask. If you can answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place.

  1. Do you drive a station wagon, van or 4X4 when everyone else drives a real car?
  2. Do you have more than one car? One for you and one for going to cat shows?
  3. Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to shows, congresses and seminars when everyone else goes on a cruise?
  4. If you go overseas, is it to attend the World Cat Congress, the TICA International, the CFA International show or to judge a cat show?
  5. Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?
  6. Is your cat food bill larger than your grocery bill?
  7. Do you consider formal wear to be clean slacks and freshly washed tennis shoes?
  8. Is your interior decorator PetsMart?
  9. Was your furniture and carpeting chosen to match your cat trees?
  10. Do you know the meaning of CH, GC, DGC, TGC, SGC, OD, OS, GCA, DGCA,
  11. Is your email primarily made up of notices of upcoming cat show announcements, closing dates, breed summaries, and show results?
  12. Do you get up before dawn to drive to cat shows?
  13. Do you consider cat hair a condiment?
  14. When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of cat they have -and pity them if they don't have one?
  15. Do you remember the name of their cat sooner than your remember their name, or the names of their spouses or children?
  16. Do you find non-cat people boring?
  17. Do you subscribe to an Internet cat mailing list?

If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope.

If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble.

If you answered YES to three or more of the questions, you have come to the "right" place.

My advice to all of you with three or more YES answers is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and wonderful cats and it will never be boring. God bless our kitties. :-)

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