The Gemini Cat
by BETTY SLEEP, Carraig Birmans

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May 21 - June 21:

 

GEMINI: Did Not . . . Did Too . . .

 

Planet: Mercury, opening the lines of communication

 

With a Gemini you get two cats for the price of one, because of their dual nature. Geminis are of two minds, but one of them is never yours. When you’re settled in front of the t.v. they must go out immediately. As soon as you’re back in your chair, they must come back in. A Gemini likes to keep their options open by cultivating the worship of at least two significant others. Never make the mistake that you are their sole source of anything from food to affection. If it isn’t a spouse, child, or other pet...it’s one of the neighbours. Geminis cannot make a decision. Buy them a Ouija board.

PREY: Your sheer drapes or the aspidestra...depending on which personality is dominant, what phase the moon is in, or whether you replaced the drapes yet.

RECREATION: Running up the stairs. Running down the stairs. Pulling everything out of the open dresser drawer. Putting everything out of the drawer, under the bed.

DINING: What’s on your plate. No, what’s on *their* plate. No, your plate. Their plate. Heck, let’s try the dog’s dish.

MUSIC: The theme song from Victor/Victoria.

SLEEPING: Every human head in the household, not wearing curlers.

COMPANIONS: Opus and Bill, Heckyll and Jekyll, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

ACCEPTABLE HUMANS: Twins, quadruplets (twice the confusion), Arnold Schwarznegger, Danny DeVito

NAMES: Sophie-Marie, Billy-Bob, Peggy-Sue, Zsa-Zsa

INTERACTION: Falls into your lap, turns around once and lays down. Gets up, looks at you, turns around again, lays down…gets up, looks at you...

PREVIOUS EXISTENCE: Benedict Arnold’s political advisor

MOTTO: " Duplicitus visagius, resultat en plasticus surgerium" - Call me two faced and I'll scratch your kisser off.

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