The Libra Cat

by Betty Sleep
Carraig Birmans


Published September 2006

September 23 - October 23

LIBRA - "Eat your heart out, Barbie"

Venus, planet of beauty , love and harmony

A Libra is the Wedgewood or Royal Doulton of the cat world. They are in a word... exquisite. There is nothing more charming than a Libra kitten, all round faced, and fluffy, with pansy blue eyes that would melt the polar ice cap. You cannot possibly pass by a Libra kitten without picking it up, cooing and gushing baby talk to it. Libra kittens attract people like black clothes attract cat hair. It's Murphy's cat law # 57: Libra = adorable. Libras will remain this way ad finitum. They will always have the fluffiest coat, the bluest eyes, the softest meow.

Without encouragement, they will crawl into the pot of Easter flowers or amongst the bedecked boughs of your Christmas tree, and remain totally immobile while you all rush to find the camera and take several dozen pictures. And they don’t blink, either. The more mundane of feline tasks are below them. They do not "do" mice. Or anything else that costs less than $4.99 a pound. Their sole aim in life is to find a human who worships and adores them as they know they deserve.

However, their willingness to lay on your lap for hours, kneading your best pantyhose while you comb, pet and caress them is not to be taken for granted. Flag in your duties as slave, and they'll be off like a shot to pastures that are, if not greener, more suited to their need for total focus.

The Libra cat does not demand. But you crumble to their will anyway. They will sit a few feet from the door, gazing longingly at it, until you ask if Baby wants out? With a tiny mew, they will step to the sill, sniff the air, scope out the cat in the tree across the street, weigh the possibility of rain, the barometric pressure, how much aftershave the milkman was wearing that morning…and you will be lucky if they ever move again.

PREY: You're joking, right?

RECREATION: Being dressed up as a doll and paraded in the baby's stroller, posing decoratively on top of the stereo while listening to opera.

DINING: Anything they want, whenever they want it. Those baby blues will see to that.

MUSIC: "Turandot", so they can pretend they are the Princess. But only a recording with Elizabeth Gowen on bassoon.

SLEEPING: Your best sweater, coat, etc. Because if you move them, that wounded look will haunt you forever.

COMPANIONS: Nerval or Miss Piggy. Libras adore the porcine princess.

ACCEPTABLE HUMANS: Children with Shirley Temple ringlets. Their mothers who have all the classic signs of being easily enslaved.

NAMES: Baby, Snookums, Mommywuvsher, Thumbelina, Doesherwuvsmommy?

INTERACTION: Libras are "touch" cats, much like the lamp fad of not long ago. Touch them they purr. Touch them they knead. Touch them they mew, etc.etc.

PREVIOUS EXISTENCE: Marie Antoinette's comportment coach.

MOTTO: "Mi gorgicus es, y consequensicus mi ers." - I am gorgeous, therefore I am.


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