Mia, the Amazing Whiz-o-matic

by Lisa Maria Padilla

Published August 2001

Okay, Mia just took an illegal whiz.

Just now, just as I was doing one of those nightly rituals of popping on the fuzzy bunny slippers and settling down for a good read involving tall, muscular men with full heads of hair, whose only desire in life is to find a woman with a good Aby and a decent show conditioner.

Generally I'm not into fiction as it's so, so . . . fictional.

But tonight was different and tonight Mia took an illegal whiz.

The reason it was "illegal" is because it was not taken in her litterbox, and because it was a spray. A vertical spray on the wall.

Mia is a blue spay and has been so most of her naturally blue life. Mia is a spraying-spay!

She was spayed somewhat earlier than her vet preferred because of this skill.

It wasn't just that she sprayed but, well, her aim could use a little work. Lucky for me, upon recovering from her spay surgery her aim did improve, unlucky for me her tendency to spray remained. She has not done this for awhile and I was just talking today--TODAY--with Mia's wonderful breeder, Dorie Parker, about how pleased I was that Mia was pretty much keeping the "wall-whiz-factor" down to once a month or so, so I suppose that time had come. That sort of need for a "renewal" of skills. Mia remains skilled. She got it from her mother and her mother taught her well. Dorie and I were discussing the mother-daughter whiz factor.

The thing is, even when she sprays she looks so dainty. Despite her feminine look she could really give some of the boys a run for their money. Sure, she whizzes just fine in the vertical, but she slaps down spiders, snorts them up, licks her chops and flops down with splayed-leg style. She also is terribly attracted to armpits of the type that have fully functioned for a full work day. I always have to be careful when any repairman or manual laborer comes to the house on a job call as they will surely find a six-and-a-half pound Aby with her muzzle firmly buried in their armpits! It takes them longer to do their job so I'm charged more. The Maytag repairman has probably not had so much attention in years.

"GAWDAMMIT Mia, take your snout OUT of that armpit!"

I had a guy from Mexico do some work on the floor here the other day. Mia was like underarm velcro. I explained to him in Spanish that this was NOT an American custom, and rest assured that upon entering a house do not expect that the family cat will dive into his pits. He glanced around and noticed the plastic sheeting along the bottom three feet of each wall, and he quickly took his leave.

I didn't have time to explain that the sheeting was not an American custom either, but rather an Abyssinian
diversionary measure.

Now, excuse me while I wash off my wall . . .

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