The Oath of a Longhair Cat

by Traci Jones

I, (insert name) do solemnly swear to uphold the duties entrusted to me by virtue of being a long haired cat.

  • Should I feel the need to eject a hairball, I promise never to do so on an easily cleanable surface if there is carpeting or other suitable fabric available.
  • I shall give continuing credence to the notion that cats are color-blind by seeking out contrasting colored fabrics on which to shed.
  • I shall exit the litter pan with at least a pound of cat litter between my toes, and proceed to spread it to the furthest possible point in my environment. Should I fail in my effort to leave the litter pan with a clean rear end, I will immediately sit on as many fabric covered items in the household as possible, and should this not satisfy my sense of personal hygiene, I shall dutifully scoot across a light colored carpet or bedspread to finish the job.
  • Should my owner invite people over to visit, I will proudly strut through the room in which they sit, tail held high, with as many dingle berries dangling off my hind end as I can possibly manage. Should this not cause sufficient embarrassment to my owner, I will then endeavor to sit in the company's lap.
  • I will consume canned cat food in a manner to assure that a good portion of it ends up in my ruff, and when I drink water, I will make every effort to soak the front portion of my body, thus, reconstituting the dried up canned food and my ruff into a mess that will throw my owner into spasms.
  • I shall always keep in mind that the proportion of coat lost during a show bath should be directly correlated to the number of points needed to finish my Grand title.
  • When it is the season to "blow coat", I shall sneak into the linen closet as many times as possible in order to lie on the clean linens and rid myself of loose hairs.
  • Should I feel the need to cause a knot in my coat during show season, I shall make reasonable effort to assure that the knot is in the most obvious place possible, thus sending my owner into frantic stages of worry.
  • Should I require lab work at the vet, I shall throw a very impressive hissy fit, causing the poor vet to shave off much more coat than would have been otherwise necessary. I will then shoot pointed dirty looks at my now fit-to-be-tied owner.
  • I shall purr endearingly as I insist on sleeping on my owners face at 2 AM, causing allergy symptoms.
  • While partaking in my allotted 18 hours a day of lounging about, I shall position my tail in such a manner that my owner is bound to step on the hair and pull it out in clumps simply by walking across the floor. Even though I do this intentionally, I will then sulk and cause severe guilt to my owner.
  • I will endeavor to drag what is left of my tail through my owner's dinner plate, while acting like I don't realize what I am doing.
  • Should my owner make the grievous error of attempting to paint the interior surfaces of my home, I shall closely supervise all aspects of this painting, and add my own art-deco to the project by walking across the lid to the paint can and as many uncovered surfaces as possible, leaving lovely starfish shaped prints.
  • I shall make every attempt to knock the clippers from the highest point possible onto the hardest floor in the house.
I promise to fulfill these duties as the opportunities present themselves to the very best of my ability.

Signature Signed this ______ day of_______, 19__


Your cat can be a star!

Would you like to have a photo of your cat featured
in the graphic at the top of this page? Or another article of your choice?
CLICK HERE to find out how!


Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Copying or redistribution of this article is strictly prohibited without the
express written permission of

Website Designed and Maintained by
ShowCatsOnline Web Design
We'd love to design YOUR cattery website

Legal Disclaimer | Reprint This Article | Report A Broken Link or Typo | Contact Us