Things You'd Like Your Cat To Remember


 

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

~~~

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

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If I play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry,
one of these days it will really come true.

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If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

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The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.

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If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

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I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall,
and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files."

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My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

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Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

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No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.

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The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.

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Potted plants are not meat.

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I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

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It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

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If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece.
She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

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The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.

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I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

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The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.

~~~

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests,
my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

~~~

As talented as I may be with kitty litter,
my human will not be impressed with my attempts to build sand castles in the litter box.

 


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