What Every Cat Should Know . . .

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  • Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
  • Do not assume the patio door is open when you race outside to chase leaves.
  • If you put a live mouse in your food bowl, do not expect it to stay there until you get hungry.
  • The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. Do not watch him constantly.
  • If you bite the cactus, it will bite back.
  • Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight your lovely tail.
  • No matter how dangly and attractive they are, your human's earrings are not cat toys.
  • If you play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.
  • The canned cat food is already dead. You do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.
  • You are a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.
  • You will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.
  • The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.
  • If your human wants to share her sandwich with you, she will give you a piece. She WILL notice if you start eating it from the other end.
  • You cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
  • The large dog in the back yard next door has lived there for six years. Do not freak out every time you see it.
  • If you must give a present to your human's overnight guests, your toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live one, even if it isn't as tasty.
  • Just because you hear voices in your head, it doesn't mean you have to answer them!

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